I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
