We're facebook friends in real life
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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