My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
