i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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