im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
