Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
