The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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