Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
