I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
they're like a gay fantastic four
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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