How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
