I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
