OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
