i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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