she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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