I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
