Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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