Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
