My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
