I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just blew my weed a kiss
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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