i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
