last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she smelled like a LAN party
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
