In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
