TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
