How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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