Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
