What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
