god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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