Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
