I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I could fuck to npr.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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