Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
