i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
