I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
