More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
