dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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