A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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