rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
