i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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