She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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