Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
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I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
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he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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