My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize