TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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