Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
