he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
