easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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