so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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