So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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