Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
