When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
