On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
