She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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