Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
