Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
