I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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