I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize