Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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