I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
