that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
