Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
