I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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