Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
