I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
