So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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