I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
