omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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