So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
