I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
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I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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