but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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