hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
