The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
