I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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