my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
