do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
