bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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