UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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