i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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