You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
