He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude i'm inner monologue high
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
