Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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