Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
