Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
