When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
